Day 22: My Tongue

I just found out that all I missed yesterday was the burda reading and recitation of the award in Habib Umar's house.

I then realized something about myself.

In the last post, I made it seem as though I didn't mind the fact that I'd missed out on something, and that I was ok with it. But because I thought I'd missed out on a trip to Seiyum—since that's where all the men went yesterday for a mawlid—I was actually cranky and irritated, and took it out of my family, who I was spending the night with. My mood only changed when I realized I didn't miss much.

Part of the trip here is learning to recognize your faults and beginning to change them. Well, today I realized that a big fault of mine is that I take out my frustration on those closest and dearest to me when I'm angry/ sad/ annoyed etc even when it's not their fault. I complain, I frown, I moan, and basically, I am not a happy cookie.

I can have a really acid, acerbic tongue. As a teenager, I used to have a horrible temper; everything would push my buttons and I'd find myself lashing out at everyone, not even able to articulate the reason for my rage. My bad feelings would surge, swirling to the surface and I would find it near impossible to wade through them and pinpoint why exactly I was so mad.

It sounds really really over the top when I read over what I just wrote, but truthfully that's how I was. Elhamdulela I, learned—just like the Beast did—that I 'MUST control my temper.' I mastered that aspect of myself, for the most part.

Now, I'm just sarcastic and mean, and I can say biting hurtful things—even if they're truthful—that I later regret. I become severely critical and judgmental and pass on my observations in a scathing tone, literally flaying whoever happens to be in my path with my tongue.

A lot of my housemates were commenting on how so far, the Dowra seems to be focusing on two topics that come up in every single class in one way or another: intentions and the tongue. And Subhan Allah they are things I struggle very much with. Without correct intentions, your good actions are worthless, and as as Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) says, the tongue is the reason most people won't end up in paradise.

(The full hadith, which ends with "Is there anything which topples people on their faces into the Hell-fire other than the jests of their tongues?" is number 29 in Imam Nawawi's 40 hadith, and can be read here).

So with regards to my tongue, I need to: find an outlet for my frustration; learn how not to take it out on innocent family members; and learn how to have reda (contentment), even if things don't turn out the way I want them to.

Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:

"The most complete in faith are those best in character and kindest to their families."

Today's Quote: If you want to know your station with Allah, look at His station with you. Habib Umar

Another Quote: If someone gives you an expensive gift you thank them over and over again, but never thank God who's given you so much. God gives you so many blessings, we should thank Him. But we don't, and yet He gives us more. A mother gives up on her baby in an incubator after a while, God never gives up on us. Habib Umar