Saturday, 12 July 2008

Day 15: Tired

I'm feeling very out of sorts today. I have a splitting headache, I'm really tired, and I've skipped a couple of meals trying to get some sleep so I'm also really hungry.

Being tired, drained and hungry is no fun. It makes me cranky and everything seems to get on my nerves, from the Qur'an class this morning which lasted 45 minutes longer than it should to trying to sleep and all five girls in the room deciding that now was the time to talk. So I'm not feeling very sunshiny today.

My roommate has a theory that everyone who comes back from the Dowra seems changed because in these 40 days they break their nafs—they have to endure the heat, the lack of sleep, the restricted menu options, showering in a bucket etc, and so they come back changed. In Agenda to Change our Condition, we're told that to discipline the nafs one needs to "eat less, talk less, sleep less." I know that and I know that I'm putting myself through these difficulties for a reason.

(The nafs is the Islamic concept of the self—an entity separate from the soul which craves all the worldly desires. Your nafs is usually what you refer to when you say "I want," rather than your soul, which has different needs that people usually ignore).

But right now, all I want is a zinger sandwich from KFC, fries from McDonalds, an ice-cold Pepsi and a Cadbury Dairy Milk bar. While watching Kutch Kutch Hota Hai. Or the new Will Smith movie [Han something?]

Today's Quote: You can't just come to Tarim, and expect the Aunties who clean the house to take your nafs and wash and polish it for you. You have to work at it yourself. Ustadha Moneeba, our house supervisor

There goes my little wish bubble. No magic wand here.

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